let people be themselves. just please.

So lately a few things have been on my mind. One thing that I have kind of always struggled with is fully accepting myself and letting me be me fully. Obviously this is something that everyone on the planet has a hard time with, because we all just want to be accepted and loved and not made fun of. But lately, I have been thinking about this a whole lot. Like really, a LOT. And I realized that it is so dumb that we have to feel scared to be ourselves. The reason that we are so scared is because people around us are making fun of who we are and are taking our personal opinions of likes and dislikes and judging us for them. I really, really, really, really dislike this. A LOT. (disclaimer before I continue: I literally do all these things so I am not being self-righteous. Much of why I hate this is that I do it to. Okay continue)
Let’s look at a few examples. To start us off on a really basic level, food. When people criticize the kinds of foods that you love or hate, it’s like … WHY. We all have different taste buds, like literally we all have different taste buds. So why is it that when my brother says he hates peanut butter, I start telling him how dumb he is and how that is the worst thing I have ever heard? Why is it that in my head, not liking peanut butter is a reflection of his character? I mean, to me, it definitely makes sense because peanut butter is actual heaven on earth to me. But then I tell other people that I don’t like bananas and suddenly I get attacked for disliking such a beautiful, wonderful, healthy fruit that tastes like a dream. DIFFERENT. TASTE. BUDS. FRIENDS.
Now let’s compare this to, say, music choice. We all were raised with different parents who had their own music choice. We got conditioned to certain music, and liked some of it. Then as we grew older, our horizons expanded, and for the most part, everyone kind of found their own music sound. Clearly since finding music is a personal road of self-discovery and exploration, why in the HECK do we judge people for their music taste? Maybe someone likes a certain song not because it sounds fantastic, but because of the memories behind the song? What if it reminds them of a fun day they had, or of one of their best friends? Telling someone that liking Taylor Swift is ‘stupid and immature and idiotic’ is actually kind of a really sad thing, because what if Taylor Swift reminds you of all of your best friends? Also, what if the lyrics really mean something to you, but someone just doesn’t understand because they haven’t had the same life experiences as you? THIS IS SO LIKELY. Why, why, why, WHY do we hate on people for their likes and their dislikes?
This happens to everyone, all the time. I get this a lot myself, especially since I like a lot of things that are typically classified as ‘nerdy.’ All through high school, I had people that called me a nerd every day, and even though I tried to take it as a compliment, I could always tell that there were a few people that wanted it to be as condescending as possible. This hurt. So, because I like superheroes and Harry Potter, this makes me a bad person, someone that you think is annoying and that you don’t want to be friends with? Now, I’m not saying that we should all have the same interests and fake that we like the same things. Instead, I am saying that it would be so so so nice if we could respect what others like and not make fun of them for their interests.
Interests are what make us who we are. For example, most of you are my good friends or my family and know me fairly well (if not, I literally post on Facebook all the time ranting about my life, so you probably know me). Let’s imagine who I would even be without Harry Potter for just one second. Like, try to imagine me as a person if I had never read Harry Potter. Yeah, it gives me a headache and makes me want to cry for ten years, but you see what I mean? There are probably tons of people that think I’m annoying and really dumb for loving all these ‘nerdy’ things, but hey, they make me me.
However, despite these identities that we all have, we all still get judged about who we are and how we are dumb and have the wrong opinions.
And this makes me so sad.
FRIENDS. Why can’t we accept people for who they are? I’m not saying “Why can’t they accept people for who they are,” because WE, including ME, are the issue. Yes, I judge people so bad when they like Toby Maguire better than Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man (please, no discussions about this because I may start to cry). I actually lose my mind and get really angry when people tell me why they think Disney is dumb (this is actually not arguable and all of you are WRONG WRONG WRONG and clearly haven’t seen the right Disney movie). Also I tell people they are uneducated and dumb when they tell me that I pronounce gif wrong (I really do say it wrong, I just really really really hate saying 'jif'). I do all these things too, but I want to stop because I know how it feels. I am so tired of people telling me that Taylor Swift is the worst. I want to be able to like Marvel without people telling me that superheroes are for boys. I want to wear polka dots without being worried that someone will tell me I’m a little girl who is immature and doesn’t have fashion sense. So much of me wants to have the strength to fully be me and not be scared, but it’s so so so scary. The solution I have is this: let other people be who they are. Treat everyone with love and respect. Understand that everyone is unique and we all have our own tastes that are different, and we need to remember that. No one is going to be just like you, so accept that you have differences, and then move on to be friends. I think that if we can remember this, we can not only be really nice people, but a whole lot of humans on this planet will feel a lot more comfortable being whoever the freak they want to be. 

twitter and train rides and just random thoughts

So lately I've had some thoughts. I'll try to make sense of them here.

First off, social media. Holy. This is a big one for me right now. I think since December, I decided that social media was just honestly killing me as a person. For years and years and years, I thought of myself as an incredibly energetic, happy, alive, bubbly person. But now all I am is a phone screen full of text messages and likes. I honestly do not deny this at all, and truly I am working on it every single day.
The thing is, I love social media. It's such a beautiful concept to me, that we can share some of our thoughts and feelings in a way that not everyone has to see it or enjoy it, but those that want to interact can. It's also a nice way for people too shy to speak up to be able to say things to others around them. Overall, a truly fascinating, amazing way to share and to keep in touch with those that you don't see that often.
But like. Destructive.
Let's look at this for a moment. Once upon a time in my youth, I was kind of the coolest. Like, in my head I was, because in my head, you know what I was doing? Constantly playing out a million different fantasy worlds where I was a princess or maybe a knight or maybe a spy. I read at least a book a week (sometimes a book a day) and like I just fueled my brain with material. Serious, great, beneficial material.
Now what do I do? I wake up and boom, instant thing is check Instagram. This is fine, because I don't follow many people so it takes me like five minutes at the most. And besides, I'm seeing what my friends are up to. But then I have to go to Twitter, and scroll all through my feed or else I feel like I'm seriously missing something. 15 minutes guys. 15 minutes of me lying in my bed, reading about the Kardashians and reading about people's inner thoughts that are sometimes too random to even be funny. Then I have Snapchat, Timehop, countdowns, Facebook, YouTube...the list goes on. By the time I have finished my morning social media scrolling, it is around 45 minutes of my day, sometimes even an hour.
Let's stop and think about this, comparing it to my life before I had a smartphone. What did I do in the morning? I got up, made my bed, ate breakfast, maybe watched a couple cartoons. Then I would clean up and go out and start to play. Actually if we are being serious I would just go outside and play with my brothers and then escape when it got too 'manly' for me and would go to read my book.
BUT STILL.
I have an app on my phone that counts how long I spend on it. Not like how long I am using it (so like music doesn't count) but how much screen time there is. I HAVE NEVER MADE IT UNDER THREE HOURS. NEVER. unless I cheat. So. yes.
Three hours, guys. Do we want to think about all the things that we can do in three hours? Yeah, me neither. I honestly hate thinking about it. So many times I think to myself, "I don't have enough time to do that, I am just SO busy!"
Hi. Um. Remember that hour at the beginning of my day where I just lay in bed? Yeah, okay just thought I might bring that back up.
So like it wastes a lot of time, but also, how much do we miss? I mean we have all seen all of those slam poetry videos that inspire us to 'look up' and not be on our phones so much because we miss so much. But um yeah. We really do. Every time I'm on the bus or train, I sit on my phone and look at things that I've already seen or read before, but I do it just because I'm bored.
Last time I was on a train, I sat across from a girl who didn't have headphones and didn't look down at her phone one time. I had my headphones in and barely looked up. I literally knew that she wanted to talk. Like, I could feel it. She got my attention to show me cool things on the ride and she even offered me cake (probably not a wise choice, but I ate the cake, which may have had drugs in it, but it was LEMON POUND CAKE OKAY) and just I could tell she was so lonely that even a stranger would have been nice to talk to. But you know what was better in my eyes? Reading articles about Taylor Swift that I had already read that morning, and then selecting the next song on my playlist in hopes that I would drown her out.
Some days I try really hard. Another train example. One time I got on the train and sat by this elderly lady. She talked to me for an hour and a half about her family and asked me about mine. Another family came and sat by us and we all talked and had such an amazing time. I loved it, even though I tell myself I hate talking to people I don't know. It was so fun to me, and for the rest of the day I just felt friendlier and happier.
At a family activity recently I put down my phone and barely touched it. Instead, I played with my younger cousins and talked to my family members. At the end of the day, my phone battery was at like 60%, not even kidding. And even though I had missed all the status updates and Snapchat stories, you know what? I was totally and completely okay. Happier, even.
So why. Why the heck do I do that to myself?
If I knew, that would be awesome.
Every morning I tell myself, "okay, today instead of going through Twitter while you eat breakfast (I'm way too hyperactive to just sit and eat breakfast, I have to be doing something haha), read a book." Yeah that lasts like two seconds until I tell myself, "Well, see, I just poured the milk on my cereal and the book is in the other room and my phone is in my hand, so..." Excuses are my favorite things, and I am fully aware of this.
I wish this ended with a really cool solution on how we can all work on putting down our phones and pay attention to the world around us. If I could do that, that would be stupendous (ten bonus points to the person that caught that movie reference). All I'm saying is, I want to be more aware of my life and what I do, and I think that social media is really helping me go the opposite direction. They may be smartphones, but like seriously, I think they're making us dumber. And more boring. And less creative. Machines shouldn't have to think for us.
Since this post is a mile and a half long, I'll save my other thoughts for another day :) Have a splendid day!

early new years resolutions.

It has been forever since I came on here honestly! But lately I've been thinking about resolutions, and looking back at this last year there are many things I would like to change for this year. Something that has been bothering me about life is that I sometimes feel like I waste too much time. I have a love affair with tumblr and Pinterest, and basically any other social media site. I've noticed that just about in the last year, I've strayed from things that used to make me so happy, and now I just waste my time! I really want to change that. Another thing that I've been thinking about is how quickly memories fade away. It honestly makes me sad that a year from now I won't remember how nice the lady at the movie theater was, or that I actually won a race against my brother on Mario Kart. I've decided that I want to seriously document my days, because memories are my favorite.
So, to bring these two ideas together, I want to make a resolution to first, spend less time on social media. Like, seriously seriously limit myself on it. By doing this, it will leave so much more time for important things in my life. Second, I want to document things in my life. Like, seriously seriously document for a straight up year. So I'm writing down my goals now and posting them so that I'll feel slightly accountable.

1. Not as much social media involvement, because let's be real, who is that benefitting?
2. If I do share things, make it wholesome and good!
3. Carry a notebook always, and write down things that make an impression or that I want to remember
4. Take pictures
5. Write something about my overall day, my feelings, my favorite things, my least favorite things, and do it every day. I'm going to do this on my computer so that it will be quicker!
6. Try every Wednesday (maybe a different day, I don't know) to discuss something that I've found in my week

And I think that's it. Like honestly, looking back at 2014, it was all fandoms and social media and laziness. And sure that's fine, but I mean, where did that get me? I don't feel like I've grown much from last year, and I hate that. I want to be a new, better person by next year, and I am thinking that this can help me do that! So here's to 2015!

i choose happiness.

This last week I had the opportunity to go to a Youth Conference sort of thing called the Boise Youth Spectacular. While I was there, I learned so many amazing, incredible things, but one thing in particular stood out to me, and that was happiness. 

I’ve always been thought of as a pretty dang happy person, but over the past year or so, I haven’t been as happy as I probably could have been. I let little things bother me, I let storm clouds dim my day. Sure, I still acted happy and wasn’t feeling absolutely awful, but I did have moments where I was truly, honestly unhappy, and the rest of the time I felt pretty empty.

At BYS, from the moment it began, I felt happy. I hadn’t been overly excited about going in the first place, but as soon as we started I felt so much better. The people all around me were incredibly happy and had amazing spirits that were just amazing to be around. Overall, it was an insanely spiritual week, and I learned so much.

As soon as I left, though, I noticed the difference in energy. I had forgotten how stressful everything is, how there are so many terrible things happening, and all the things we have to be sad for. It was almost a culture shock, I didn’t know quite how to respond. I remembered before BYS, how all those things bothered me too, how I had my own fair share of things that would make me feel really down. What had been so different about BYS? Home, there were still so many amazing people that I respected and loved, but at BYS, things had just been so much happier. Why was that?

Obvious first answer is that at BYS, there’s literally no responsibilities. There, we didn’t have to worry about a job or paying rent or even what to make for dinner. But the other answer was that everyone there was so spiritually fed and I think that is what really made the difference.

Thinking about this, I’ve been wondering: why is it that feeling the Sprit makes us so happy? And why do we get so down when we aren’t feeling the Spirit? Sure, we should feel a difference, but would it really be that significant?

Well, I think that having true happiness is one of the greatest blessings we can receive. On the reverse of that, I think unhappiness is one of Satan’s greatest tools he uses against us.

I know, gettin’ crazy here, but think about it for a little bit. If we are unhappy, suddenly everything seems so much worse. If we get upset about one thing, it turns into this huge domino effect and we are soon only focusing on the bad. For example, think about the expression “woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” When people say that to others, it’s suggesting they just aren’t having a good day based on their attitude or circumstances. If you wake up and have the attitude that nothing is going to go right that day, then you know what? You’re probably right. It won’t. So many awful things happen every single day, but we have an amazing gift called agency where we can choose, and this includes our attitude. We can decide to make the best of any situation and not be a slave to our circumstances. 

If we look all around us it’s easy to see all the evil and immorality in the world today. But just thinking about it, it’s also so easy to see so much more sadness in the world. It’s everywhere in the media — we hear so many more songs about being sad over some breakup or a bad situation that really shouldn’t have so much long-term weight on us. We see so many movies that are focused on some punk teenager that gets angry at their family over nothing. We post on Facebook or Tweet a problem that we’re sure will never go away, that we need everyone to know about because it’s just so awful.

We can easily recognize all the evil things happening around us that go against our standards, but I think it’s harder to see the unhappiness of everything, and that’s why Satan uses it so much. I’ve also seen how in our day, so many more people are diagnosed with depression. It’s apparent by how many suicides there are every year, the eating disorders, the insecurities that are everywhere in our society. We are all tested, and to me this is one of the greatest challenges of earth life, to feel just absolutely empty and like nothing will work out. As we get nearer to the last days, I definitely think this will become a bigger and bigger problem. I can also see this problem not even in the case of depression, but getting upset and being too stressed. If Satan can get us to be angry over something small, it’s so easy for us to get angry over something else. One thing after another, and soon we realize that not very many kind words have been said that day, and instead more nagging and irritation. If we are stressed out, then suddenly all our energies are focused on that one thing, and anything that gets in the way is suddenly so much more terrible. Seeing all these different situations that are very much not happy, don’t we see that many of the problems in the world today are based on sadness? Addictions, self-image issues, and family problems start many times from unhappiness — being unhappy with ourselves or our circumstances — and then trying to cope or escape. 

Now, I’m not suggesting we should make light of everything or pretend like nothing bad ever happens, because if we’re being real here, it so does. I definitely believe in the importance of the refiner’s fire and having trials, but the part I love most about it is gaining strength from bad things. Do we gain strength from a difficult experience if we dwell constantly on how awful/hard it was and how we’ll never recover? No, I don’t think so. We are faced with challenges so we can learn and be tested and prove that we are strong enough to get through these things. Strength is gained from hard things by finding what it taught and using that to be better, and then letting yourself be happy. 

Being happy is so hard sometimes, I know this for a fact. There are so many days where I have to get up early for work and remember that I have to do this and this and also this that day, that I probably won’t get to eat lunch so I can get it done and I won’t be able to watch my favorite TV show or read my book or spend time with my friends or sleep very much and the forecast predicts super bad weather and also I have to pay for my phone bill and pick up my sister from her friend’s house — the list could go on and on. Some days, everything seems turned against us, we hit every red light on the way to work or someone ate the last piece of pizza (actual real life struggle here) or wake up late. I get it, I understand these things happen, because I’ve had it happen to me. But it’s all about our attitude. Spilled something on my white shirt? Sweet, now I can go out and buy myself a new white shirt to replace it, that one was getting old anyway. Have to drive a long way for something I don’t want to? Hey, I get music rock out time! 

One of my favorite quotes is, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” We are going to have rainy days that seem like they’re just gonna suck supremely. I truly believe that if we decide to be happy, if we let ourselves be happy, if we make the conscious choice that today I choose happiness, we can be the master of our circumstances. We can find how much good there is in the world, learn from the hard things in our life, then move on and be truly happy.

I promise, it’s worth it. It’s so much better than letting yourself be empty or angry or stressed out. Attitude is everything, and it is always our choice. 

Today, and always, I choose happiness.